i feel like i'm going through a break up

an irrelevant but nonetheless tasty-lookin' photo from the san rafael farmers' market

There's really no other way to say/write it except that I've seriously sucked at blogging lately. To give myself a little credit, I have been going through a bit of a break up... with San Diego. Like I mentioned, I'm moving to the Bay Area after five years of calling San Diego home. I'm excited for a more motivated and fast-paced city, one I've always adored, but still so much of me feels like I'm letting go of something great; like I'm giving up on a difficult relationship... though the relationship isn't with a guy, it's with a city.

I think it'll be a good thing, though. A fresh start where I don't have to pay rent for a while and where I can concentrate on myself and my career... whatever that may be. I know I should be excited and hopeful but instead, I'm anxious and confused and really just plain scared. Mostly of failing. But isn't that what holds people back in the first place? Fear? And isn't overcoming the fear the first step in being successful? I'm hoping that's the path I'm on.

One of my family's Thanksgiving traditions is to go around the table and say what you're grateful for. While family, friends and education were popular answers, what I found myself truly grateful for opportunity. How blessed am I to have the opportunity to succeed; to have a family who will bail me out of my failures and cheer me on regardless; to have causes and hobbies I'm passionate about (almost to a fault) when most of the world might never ever know the giddiness and satisfaction I feel when my writing is published, when I make a small difference in the life of another or when I get praised for this blog.

I think the worst part of this whole transitional phase, granted I have been frantically packing and trying to sell a majority of my possessions (anyone want to buy some furniture?), is that I've abandoned my dear blog, which just a few months ago was the number one love of my life. This blog makes me happier than most things and gives me sense of productivity and accomplishment even in a time of unemployment. So why did I stop writing? Even if just for a few weeks, it hasn't seemed right. As of now, I'm vowing to myself and to you all (if anyone is still reading) to make this space a priority.

Thanks for sticking with me, blog world! Good material coming your way... I promise.