why it was so hard to let go

marin county, california

After reading this hauntingly relatable post from Meg, I realized something that took me almost a year to consciously understand.

But let me back up a bit.

You may have noticed from previous posts that I'm a highly anxious person. I'm also highly emotional, getting overly excited about things most people might not think twice about (a quality many compliment) but on the other hand getting devastatingly depressed over situations that don't deserve much energy at all.

Though my ex-whatever-sort-of-boyfriend had a lot of not-so-great qualities and we absolutely didn't mesh in more ways than one, he always helped me rationalize. So when he left (don't worry, this wasn't an easy exit; it went on for a good year until it was over, for real), I didn't have that support I had gotten used to; and the irrational meltdowns began once again.

It's funny how none of this made sense to me until this very second. I had no idea why it was so darn hard to let him go... until I read this post. And now it all makes sense.

Five months after the final goodbye, I can help myself rationalize and the meltdowns are few and far between. I guess it's true what they say that dating is a learning experience.

That same guy told me time and time again, "it'll be okay." And it was okay. It was always okay. It was always right. It was just him who wasn't.