Wednesday, November 28

i feel like i'm going through a break up

an irrelevant but nonetheless tasty-lookin' photo from the san rafael farmers' market

There's really no other way to say/write it except that I've seriously sucked at blogging lately. To give myself a little credit, I have been going through a bit of a break up... with San Diego. Like I mentioned, I'm moving to the Bay Area after five years of calling San Diego home. I'm excited for a more motivated and fast-paced city, one I've always adored, but still so much of me feels like I'm letting go of something great; like I'm giving up on a difficult relationship... though the relationship isn't with a guy, it's with a city.

I think it'll be a good thing, though. A fresh start where I don't have to pay rent for a while and where I can concentrate on myself and my career... whatever that may be. I know I should be excited and hopeful but instead, I'm anxious and confused and really just plain scared. Mostly of failing. But isn't that what holds people back in the first place? Fear? And isn't overcoming the fear the first step in being successful? I'm hoping that's the path I'm on.

One of my family's Thanksgiving traditions is to go around the table and say what you're grateful for. While family, friends and education were popular answers, what I found myself truly grateful for opportunity. How blessed am I to have the opportunity to succeed; to have a family who will bail me out of my failures and cheer me on regardless; to have causes and hobbies I'm passionate about (almost to a fault) when most of the world might never ever know the giddiness and satisfaction I feel when my writing is published, when I make a small difference in the life of another or when I get praised for this blog.

I think the worst part of this whole transitional phase, granted I have been frantically packing and trying to sell a majority of my possessions (anyone want to buy some furniture?), is that I've abandoned my dear blog, which just a few months ago was the number one love of my life. This blog makes me happier than most things and gives me sense of productivity and accomplishment even in a time of unemployment. So why did I stop writing? Even if just for a few weeks, it hasn't seemed right. As of now, I'm vowing to myself and to you all (if anyone is still reading) to make this space a priority.

Thanks for sticking with me, blog world! Good material coming your way... I promise.

11 comments:

Adriana Madrigal said...

Funny how you promise to have good material soon when that was a great post. I want to leave San Diego one day too and live up north. I've left before so I know that "break up" feeling you're talking about, but just know that another chapter of your life is beginning. With different adventures. Wish you the best :)

xo, Adriana from Horses of Ares.

Pen said...

Best of luck to you! As someone who has dealt with TWO job losses in a year and a half's time, and then my husband's (at the time just my boyfriend) job loss of almost a year (which happened literally the same day I finally got hired out of my 2nd stint of unemployment) I can honestly say EVERYTHING happens for a reason. And, it's really great to have a family there for you when shiz gets rough. That's what family is for.

Cece said...

Change can be scary AND good. My lil' sis lives in SF and loves it even though she's a born and raised So Cal girl. And everyone needs a bloggy break sometimes.

Nicky said...

So glad I'll have more material to stalk soon :) Good luck with the move, let's get lunch when you get to SF! I know some seriously feastly spots.

christa morris said...

I just found your blog and I love it!!!!

i am excited to read more! :)

▲my• said...

I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time wherever you end up! It'll be an adventure!

Michelle said...

I understand your fear and anxiety, and I think that fear (and failing a little bit, too!) can be the best thing every once in a while. It reminds us to embrace our imperfections; it allows us to forgive ourselves and to take the time to figure out where our heart truly lies. You are so smart and strong and unique -- don't be afraid to fail, because I know you'll find a way to achieve everything you want. Have a wonderful adventure up in the Bay :)

Holly Foxen Wells of Glamour Mash said...

Change is always scary because you are leaving the unknown but change is ALWAYS positive! I wish you the best of luck up North! I live in San Diego now but my man and I always said that if we didn;t have so many ties here, we sould live in SF! You are a lucky gal!

xx
Holly Foxen Wells
GlamourMash

Lena said...

I completely can understand and relate to your fear and anxiety. Something that brought me comfort was asking myself, what is failing anyway? My dad always asked me this question, to which he would respond, "the only time you fail is when you don't learn something." That's really stuck with me throughout my less than impressive experiences. So, cheers to your fresh start and for being back in the blogging world! I sure did miss you. :)

Evani Gatsby said...

You've been missed! :) It's definitely tough living a city you love but heyyyy at least we'll be close enough for a meet up in the future ;)(I know, the incentive isn't THAT good).

Lacey in the City said...

Cheers to your bravery in picking up and moving forward when you feel you've maybe hit a stale point. It takes a lot of courage to be able to do that. I applaud you.