love stories: my beautiful parents

Today, I have a very special guest post for you all. In honor of my parents' 37th (holy crap!) wedding anniversary which they celebrated this past week, my dad (John) is here to tell you his love story with my mom (Deedie). 

I may have mentioned this before, but I really do have the greatest parents ever. When I was younger, however, I didn't know just how lucky I was. I smirked at the fact that my parents eloped instead of having a giant wedding (now, the thought of eloping is possibly one of the most romantic I can think of). I was always confused as to why my mom wore such a simple wedding band instead of one with diamonds (now I wouldn't want a diamond ring if my life depended on it).

Basically, I was a huge brat.

But I find it kind of ironic. Everything that they have: a simple, loving, lasting and adventurous relationship, is exactly what I'm hoping for. Their story inspires me and I hope it inspires you all too. 

In the words of my dad, John:

"I was living with two other guys, one of which, Brian, had been dating a woman named Dorothy since the 8th grade. Dorothy and her roommate, Deedie, had also known one another since their high school years. Brain would frequently ask me to come with him over to Dorothy’s and of course I’d say no. I felt like it was odd for me to just show up. Eventually, though, I gave in. One night we all ended up at Dorothy and Deedie’s apartment and there we were, the four of us. Then a few weeks later, a group of us were going to the zoo and Deedie and Dorothy stopped by my apartment to pick up Brian  and I decided to go also. So that’s how it all began and soon after, we went out on our first few dates! I'll never forget one of our first dates. I loved Greek food and grape leaves and Deedie had never tried them before, so we went to a restaurant called Zorba’s. On another date, I took her to a place called Downunder where I introduced her to frog legs and steak tartar. She was a good sport.

Then back in 1972, I gave Deedie my first gift to her: a book called Together We Walk by Peter S. Seymour. I think I was a bit of a romantic back then, maybe I've changed now! Anyhow, back to the book. In it I wrote,

“No matter what that promise of tomorrow may be, I want you to know that you brought more into my Christmas this year than anyone else has for a long, long, time. I’ll be thinking of you on the 25th. Merry Christmas Deedie. Love, John ‘72”

It's funny... we were 22 years old... yea, a long, long, time ago! Oh to be young! A few years later, I was offered a job in Puerto Rico and me being me, I jumped at the chance! I went to San Juan, to my tiny but beachfront pad and life went on. Deedie visited but was not thrilled with the arrangement. I was (and still am) the “gypsy” type: the one that would scrape up every dime I could, buy a plane ticket to anywhere it would get me to, then with little to no money, hitchhike to town and blend in with the locals and culture. But Deedie was conservative. She planned and saved and was never frivolous nor spontaneous.

Could such personality differences really work and could the relationship really last? Over the course of the time I was in San Juan, if Deedie wasn’t on the island visiting we were talking on the phone all the time. Eventually, I proposed.

Deedie flew down to San Juan and we eloped in St. Thomas! We arranged for a local photographer to follow us and take pictures at the courthouse and hotel. Our twosome wedding reception was dinner for two at the Mafolie Hotel overlooking the harbor as the sun set. Deedie was, at the time, a flight attendant with National Airlines and as luck would have it, National was about to go on strike, which could last for months. So Deedie and I bought plane tickets to Europe and off we went on a month honeymoon full of adventure. Deedie and I first went to Athens (and bought our wedding bands there), then to Mykonos, Greece for four days, then to Paris to meet up with my friend, Chris. As hard as we tried, it took an entire first evening to convince Chris we had actually eloped. No one believed us!

Then came 1988. Again, I was the forever gypsy and adventurer-type and Deedie was very grounded. But 1988 was the turning point that fully made the two of us one when our daughter was born and our life was forever changed. Having a child, and at a time in one’s life when they have seen everything and been everywhere... maybe two or three times, is the most remarkable event you can imagine and that segment of our “new” life began.



Over the years, things were great and things were not so great. Deedie eventually worked for three airlines, Pan Am being one of them, and I worked for about six different companies.We lived in Miami and San Francisco together, then I lived in Washington DC while Deedie lived again in Miami. Then we moved to Munich, I moved to Malaysia (for work) and we all lived in Dallas, then Anna Maria Island, then Lake Tahoe and now San Rafael, California.

At the onset, to me, love was fun. It was romance and togetherness and saying “I love you."

Love over the years, however, becomes trust, compassion, assisting when one or the other is down and when life’s difficulties seem to be taking a toll. It's not saying “I love you” but meaning and knowing that you love each other. Love is when differences no longer matter; they are there, they have been there and they will always be there. But they aren't on the forefront. They're managed and their importance becomes minimized and accepted.

Is any of it easy? No. Is it worth the work and effort? That question, I think, depends on only the two people involved. To many, no it’s not. But to others... absolutely.

I love Deedie Carmona Safran and always will."

My parents | Lake Tahoe | November 2010 

{Congratulations on 37 years, Mom and Dad. I love you so much!}