Monday, September 17

vows

photo courtesy of thisrusticlife via therusticarchives

As you may remember, I dubbed 2012 "the year of the Allie," meaning that I would take care of myself and my needs and really enjoy and live my life and thus far, I think I've done a pretty good job: trying new exercise classes, getting my hair done without caring about what other people think, concentrating on this blog, volunteering, trying new foods, camping, quitting my job... and so on. But another thing I've really made a conscious effort to do is to put myself out there in the dating world. Though I complain about being perpetually single, I don't do much about it. I will admit that I have romantic and probably unrealistic expectations for dating. I want to be fought for and I want to feel loved and of course, love in return.

Through this newfound and semi-forced confidence, I've met some cool people. Some I've hoped would turn into a romance but mostly, the encounters have just been friendly, which is wonderful. New friends are always fun and I enjoy learning about people and their life paths.

But anyways, that's not what this post is about. In one of my bold moments, I gave my number to a guy, we'll call him Bob. Bob and I texted for a while and then it kind of fizzled. When I bumped into him at his place of work a month or so later, we starting chatting again. Things were looking up until one of his co-workers informed me that Bob is, in fact, married. In typical "the year of the Allie" fashion, I called him out and he responded, "but things are bad and I'm on the fence."

Dear "Bob," it just doesn't matter how bad things are.

I'm no expert, but he vowed to love this woman and to be true to her and if things aren't going as planned, bailing and texting a random girl (me) just doesn't seem like the right thing to do. This small and seemingly insignificant encounter kind of shattered my hopes. Bob and I never hung out or went on a date; just casual get-to-know-you text messaging. But putting myself in his wife's shoes just broke my heart. Of course this is an extreme example but I think that we see this type of carelessness in everyday life as well.

One of the reasons I started my love stories series was to foster my vow to take care of myself because love is definitely the number one thing I get down about. I feel like all I hear about is failed relationships and cheating husbands/wives and it makes me sad. Keeping the faith and vowing to yourself to not settle is a constant struggle. And besides romantic relationships, it tears me apart when I witness people being downright rude and terrible to complete strangers... in my opinion, no one deserves it. You don't know what battle that person is fighting and you don't know if their day was, gasp, worse than yours.

I think what scares me the most is that cheating on your significant other, getting frustrated too easily with your loved ones and being a complete jerk to a perfect stranger is becoming the norm and even worse, widely accepted. But it doesn't have to be that way.

photo courtesy of meggielynne

I don't know what the goal of this post is but I just wanted to say: treat people how you want to be treated. Whether they're your best friend, your significant other or the barista at the coffee shop who might be going a little slower than usual, be kind. It's as simple as that. If we could all just adhere to that, I think we would be a lot better off.

28 comments:

Allie said...

Amen sister!! Working at a coffee shop now I have experienced my full share of kind hearted people and snappy and rude people. Every time there is a rude person I am just shocked that someone could be outwardly rude to someone they don't know anything about. And I also get you on the feeling down on love bit. :/ It'll happen!!!!

Treasure Tromp said...

it is amazing that people forget to treat people with respect and kindness. Good for you, lady!

Greta said...

You did an amazing thing calling him on his business! That must have taken a lot of strength!!

Diana B said...

I just found your blog recently and I'm loving it. I'm a fellow single girl blogger (seems like there aren't too many of us) and I love that you want to find love--so do I.

Go you for calling out "Bob" on his nonsense. I was the girl on the other side of the story once, and all I wanted was to be treated with respect and told the truth. I'm so shocked that so many people just don't treat others with the respect they would want to be treated with.

Here's to more people like you out there and to you finding that love. :)

Amanda Holland said...

Way to call him out! What is WRONG with people? I should write a post about... "Jack" and his behavior as a follow-up to this haha ;)

Kelsey Elizabeth said...

Amen to everything in this post! I would rather be single for a very long time before marriage if it means I get to spend the rest of my life with someone who is the opposite of bob the jerk!

Shannon said...

I totally agree! You did the right thing and I'm so proud of you! Your post is beautiful and inspiring. You go girl! :)

Emily Elizabeth said...

Amen sister! Xoxo

Stacy said...

Ugh, gross. Good for you!

Brielle said...

I like this post- it's inspiring. And I love that it's the year of you- you go girl!

jackie said...

my goodness, I would have torn that little shit apart. cheating, in any form, is not acceptable in my book. you handled it gracefully, so I applaud you. ha.

but I like the point of this post. that golden rule can be applied in so many ways, and it should definitely be applied in relationships with people you love the most.

Elsha Bodily said...

Wow...married? That is madness! But always remember that 99% of your relationships will fail, you only need that 1 to work out :)

Kelsea Echo said...

Love this post! And I completely agree with you on all of it. It's late and I'm way too sleepy to write something profound and coherent, but I wanted to comment to say thank goodness for people like you. And let you know how much I agree!

Jenny said...

Wow, booooo to that guy. I loved this post, you are so right. I hope he gets his comeuppance! x

http://www.jenventure.blogspot.co.uk

call me debbie said...

I think you are doing from good to great Allie! After you quitted your job your blog has a total new happy vibe, like that. :)

xo,  In Whirl of Inspiration

Vic said...

Ugh. This gets me down as well, I really don't understand why people can't just be nice. I mean, its not that hard is it? I really admire you for calling him out on it!

nishaantishu said...

"Bob" is a jerk. Some people really shouldn't make vows, and they certainly don't deserve them from others. It sounds like you are having a really productive year though, well done you :)

Chelsea said...

I agree! Bob is definitely a jerk! You deserve much better!

MacKenzie Anderson said...

Bob sucks!! Sorry about that awful encounter you had. I've been in a committed relationship, very happily, for several years. But before the love of my life came along I felt a lot like you do now and someone told me something that I am now going to pass on to you...I realize I dont know you at all..but I just know, I absolutely know that the universe is preparing someone for you right now, someone absolutely perfect. So you don't even have to worry about it, the only thing you have to do is take care of you, just like you said, the year of Allie and when you're ready he'll appear.

Tiffany @ Polka Dotted Cats said...

Miss Allie, you are wise beyond your years. I can't even tell you how much I love this and how many people I am going to force to read it. I think The Year of Allie is going quite well!

Evani Gatsby said...

Well written Allie! I think your love stories are just affirmations that love can go right and when people are mature enough for a REAL relationship, they'll choose to be in one. Everyone has a choice and I think you're definitely on the right track for love my dear!

Evani

Natalie Trull said...

Allie, I absolutely LOVE reading your blog! You are so incredibly talented and it's so fun to hear what you have to say and all you have learned. Such a great post - made my day! Miss you!

Katie said...

Good for you girlie! The right guy will come along and he will be lucky to have you.

Nicole Marie said...

this is definitely something i've been thinking a lot in my many single days. but good for you calling him out.

and i want someone to fight for me too. to not let me just walk away and make excuses and love me more than anything... and i'll wait till i find that

Carey said...

as I am currently writing my vows, it does make me sick to think that this could happen in the future (I am in the blissful engagement phase and getting married in two weeks so I feel it will NEVER happen), but I have had many heart-to-hearts with some older divorced people (or getting a divorce OR currently cheating!!!) but I feel so many of them were making excuses as to why it didn't work out or isn't working out.
Bottom line... know yourself before you walk down that aisle, know that significant other well, be honest, and vow not only to be faithful and loving but vow to work through things TOGETHER.
yes, divorce exists and is necessary in some cases, but don't use it as an out and don't think cheating/talking to someone else because things "aren't the same" or "fizzling" with your current partner/spouse

Katie said...

There are many things I tolerate in a relationship. Cheating is the one thing I will never ever ever allow. How can you ever trust someone who does that to you again?

Lena said...

Oh, how I admire you friend. For facing challenges and braving ambiguity this year. For seeking out your passions with fiery. And for standing up for what is good and right. You're pretty dang awesome.

:)

hnr said...

I hope you told him what you just told us.

Marriage isn't forever until I get tired of you. It's forever and ever amen.

Our society has really ruined that promise.