Monday, October 1

on thoughtfulness

keystone, colorado

Recently, some fellow single friends and I were having a conversation about dating: "what quality, one quality, must a person have for you to want to date them?" and we went around saying what was important to us. I found myself beginning with "a good sense of humor" and then escalating to how the person "can't take life or themselves too seriously." I continued to rattle on, mentioning qualities ranging from "bearded and manly" to "sensitive and understanding" to "interested in an art of some kind - hopefully cooking." But really, what I realized, is that at the end of the day, the only quality that I want is thoughtfulness. It goes a long way and is, in my opinion, highly underrated.

I once dated probably the most thoughtless human being on the planet. Though many of his qualities were exactly what I was looking for, his thoughtlessness completely broke me and I found myself teary-eyed, wondering where I went wrong when really it wasn't me who did anything wrong; it was him who did nothing at all.

In my mere 24 years of life, I know that there's no such thing as the perfect person. But there is such thing as finding a perfect person for you: when that person's imperfections become obsolete and when their faults are the reason you love them so much in the first place. It's when you find someone that makes you feel complete, even when you thought you were already complete on your own. Those qualities, or rather feelings, those define a relationship and the one I'd like to have someday.

I went to the most beautiful wedding this weekend and stood by my friend's side as she vowed to love and cherish her [now] husband forever. I think I cried a little bit more than the rest of the group, but it was the proof and reassurance that I've needed for so long... that this love, the love I write about all the time and the love I'm looking to find, is not only attainable and real but present in my life.

24 comments:

Dree said...

This post is so beautiful. My close friend recently got married, and I know how you feel, realising that true love is out there and worth waiting for!

Jess | the Jess Journals said...

Awww I love this! I feel like with each relationship I also get closer to knowing what it is I want, and I completely agree about thoughtfulness, a display of affection through small gestures. SO important!

Danielle Carroll said...

Well said! Loved this post!

Chelsea said...

Beautiful post and you are so right that you need a spouse who is thoughtful. People who are married to selfish guys really suffer. I'm sure that you will find your perfect guy someday! :)

Evani Gatsby said...

You have such a beauty in your words Allie, truly it's a gift. And I think you're totally right, there's a person out there for everyone that makes you throw out that "list" everyone has in their minds because their presence in your life is just THAT meant to be. I hope you find yours soon friend!

Diana B said...

Totally with you on the thoughtfulness. I've been really looking at who I really want to find to spend my life with, and now that you mentioned thoughtfulness, it encompasses so much, and has risen to the top of my list.

Katherine / Of Corgis and Cocktails said...

i am a firm believer in throwing out the list of 'musts' and all that. there are ideals though, basic things, like do you want children, do you agree (or agree to disagree) on certain things. but definitely - this is a very interesting post. being thoughtful is SO important - my biggest quality is just being reliable. my husband is very easy going and always there for me. love that

<3 katherine
of corgis and cocktails

Katherine said...

Well said!

Rachael {all things beautiful} said...

Allie- this is such a beautiful post and so true. Thoughtfulness is SO important and something I truly take pride in. It really is one of the best qualities to have in relationships and in friendships. You are such a sweet and beautiful soul. You will definitely find someone worthy of your love soon!

Jaime said...

I Love this! I totally agree thoughtfulness is underrated. Love your blog just found it recently!

Meg said...

This is such a sweet post. I loved reading it, and pondering it regarding my own life. Aw, and congratulations to your friend! :)

Louisa said...

You write so beautifully. When I read the part about loving someones faults and them making you feel complete, it described my feelings so perfectly. And I agree: thoughfulness is incredibly important.

I just know you will find the perfect imperfect thoughtful man for you.

pretty little things said...

what a beautiful post! xo

http://allthingsprettyandlittle.blogspot.com/

Kelsea Echo said...

What a perfect post. You are absolutely correct. Thoughtfulness is both necessary and often sadly underrated. Thanks for sharing this! I'll remember this and share on my blog!

jackie said...

yes yes yes. thoughtfulness is the most important quality, even when there are so many other right ones.

and that feeling of being complete, even when you thought you were complete on your own? the best in the world.

and weddings are the bestttt

Shannon said...

What a lovely post. True love it out there for you, just be patient. :)

RobbinTheHood Vintage said...

Beautiful and thoughtful words. Very inspiring :)

Anna said...

such a beautiful post!

Vic said...

Yes, yes and YES! I totally agree with you, being thoughtful is one of the BEST traits someone can have in my opinion.

Treasure Tromp said...

first of all, this is love. Second, I completely agree. Anytime somebody is thoughtless, I want to slap them in the face. :)

Erika Lee @ A Tiny Rocket said...

Love is a funny thing that starts out so small and grows. I also think that sometimes you want all these things in a person and then you get it and it's a terrible match. I'm lucky to have found the love of my life but it's a lot of work and worth every second. :) happy wednesday!

Lena said...

I can't wait for your love to make his appearance.

:))

Katie said...

I adore this post. Beautiful.

Kasey Lynne said...

Thoughtfulness is one of the best qualities a man can have. I'm very lucky to be married to a man who is abundantly thoughtful, and YOU will one day have the same thing. Before that, I had wayyy too many not-so-nice men in my life. My husband was a breath of fresh air. I never knew that a man like him even existed nor would ever be interested in me. But God always has other plans :D