on thoughtfulness

keystone, colorado

Recently, some fellow single friends and I were having a conversation about dating: "what quality, one quality, must a person have for you to want to date them?" and we went around saying what was important to us. I found myself beginning with "a good sense of humor" and then escalating to how the person "can't take life or themselves too seriously." I continued to rattle on, mentioning qualities ranging from "bearded and manly" to "sensitive and understanding" to "interested in an art of some kind - hopefully cooking." But really, what I realized, is that at the end of the day, the only quality that I want is thoughtfulness. It goes a long way and is, in my opinion, highly underrated.

I once dated probably the most thoughtless human being on the planet. Though many of his qualities were exactly what I was looking for, his thoughtlessness completely broke me and I found myself teary-eyed, wondering where I went wrong when really it wasn't me who did anything wrong; it was him who did nothing at all.

In my mere 24 years of life, I know that there's no such thing as the perfect person. But there is such thing as finding a perfect person for you: when that person's imperfections become obsolete and when their faults are the reason you love them so much in the first place. It's when you find someone that makes you feel complete, even when you thought you were already complete on your own. Those qualities, or rather feelings, those define a relationship and the one I'd like to have someday.

I went to the most beautiful wedding this weekend and stood by my friend's side as she vowed to love and cherish her [now] husband forever. I think I cried a little bit more than the rest of the group, but it was the proof and reassurance that I've needed for so long... that this love, the love I write about all the time and the love I'm looking to find, is not only attainable and real but present in my life.