Tuesday, April 10

being present

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about soul mates, a relationship that I whole-heartedly believe in. I have found myself wondering, who is he? WHERE is he? and just as I'm about to aggressively throw my hand into the bag of candy at work [cause gaining weight is clearly the logical solution], it dawned on me: I have the rest of my life to think of someone other than myself. Seriously. I'm twenty-three and likely I'll be with that special someone for twice that length of time. I have the rest of my life to love someone more than anything and for them to love me back. Why not embrace this time when it's all about me and where there's not another person to take care of? And just for once live for now. Right now. 

I think that's something I've struggled with a lot: living in the present. For my entire life, I've had a plan: a plan to go to college in southern California, a plan to study abroad in Madrid, a plan to volunteer in India after graduation and so on. That's a good nine years of planning. But right now, right this very second at 8:38 p.m. on April 10, 2012, for once, I don't have a plan. I'm not thinking of the past and I'm not thinking about the future. I have no idea where I'll be this time next year and you know what? That's okay. At this moment, I'm making a conscious effort not to rely on the future for happiness but to be happy in the moment.

At the risk of rambling too much, I'll leave you with this, beautifully stated by purpose fairy's fifteen things you should give up in order to be happy:

''13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.''

{thanks for reading!}


Ava said...

As much as I love the Purpose Fairy's 15 things...(which btw i read religiously, nearly every night) i think there's a certain vulnerable honesty to this post which makes me believe in what your saying that much more. I too suffer from resisting the urge to plan, to control my every move. These past few months, I have literally begun to stop doing this and I have never felt more happy, more liberated, and alive. FIght the urge to control and live for right now. Make yourself smile even when you want to cry. It is a shock to the system and makes you feel so alive, so able.

I love you. This was a beautiful post!

Michelle said...

It's as if you thrust your hand into my head instead of that candy bag and pulled out my thoughts :) Loved this post, glad to know that someone else is feeling the same way too!

Allison said...

Allie, you're amazing. I love you!

Alia Albonni said...

I seriously love this post!!