Friday, February 15

yvonna lovah & the goldilocks dilemma

"I'm single because I was born that way."
-Mae West 

I feel as though most of my friends are in this “in between” state. We’re not really sure what to do with ourselves. We’re no longer students – which is really weird since that’s what we have been for almost two decades (screw you to all those people in grad school – yeah, it’s SUPER hard. At least you know HOW to be a student… at least you’re not having an identity crisis).

We’re not yet corporate executives, doctors, lawyers, etc. At least most of us aren’t. So we’re just in this no-man’s land of emerging adulthood. Still calling our parents when we can’t make rent or when we don’t know why our check engine light is on. But we live our day-to-day maintaining that we are independent (even though most of us don’t pay our cell phone bills…) And this is the first time that we are. So naturally, most of my single friends seem to think that with this independence should come the ability to attract some nice (read: decent) men (read: boys.) We have good jobs, we’re going places and we can actually afford to get our eyebrows done now. So where them boys at? Why are they not falling over themselves to take me and my single friends out to dinner?

I have a few theories, but they seem to all center around one thesis statement: BOYS ARE IDIOTS.

And I think I’ll believe that statement until I’m six feet under. I don’t think I’ve been sure of anything more than this. The males of our species have NO CLUE what to do/say/expect/act like in the presence of a smart, beautiful and cunning woman, such as myself. Oh, yeah. And my friends. I have two best friends that are boys, not yet men. I am constantly trying to tell them how wrong they are in their interactions with women. (“No, you cannot split the check.”)

I pride myself in thinking that all the smart and nice things they do for their significant others/crushes can be traced back to advice that I’d given them, but I suppose their mothers would say the same thing. Anyways, I’ve asked them time and time again, “What am I doing wrong here?” And they always respond, “Nothing. Well… maybe – you’re a little dominating. You just have a strong personality.” 

Hmm. That’s something I can stick in my mouth and chew on for a while. I have views. And I voice them. Therefore, no man can deal with my brazen ways. So what ever shall I do? Flutter my eyelashes and laugh at the dumb and inconsiderate jokes this guy with a terrrrrible comb over is telling me at the bar, and say, “Oh, jeez, Billy. You’re sooooo funny!” “Well, I’m sure you’re right. You did spend a summer in DC with your uncle.” “I’ll take another cranberry and vodka - easy on the vodka.”

I can’t. I physically can’t. So, I’ve decided to take Reggie Bush’s advice to Kim K: “You do you and I’ll do me. Peace and love.” I can’t focus my energy on trying to be someone else’s “perfect” when I think I’m pretty damn close to mine.
-Yvonna Lovah

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Unknown said...

KILLER post, Yvonna. You speak my language.

Kate McKenzie said...

Preach it sister! Love this post. I thought about pulling the dumb card out so as not to intimidate guys, but eff that. I'm still holding out hope that one day, some guy can step up to the plate and match my sarcasm, wit and general awesomeness. Until then...single lady it is. I'm okay with that.

Rachael {all things beautiful} said...

Couldn't have said it better! Great post!

Brittany C. said...

As a 25 year old that spent all of my life up until age 24 SINGLE, I have one piece of advice. You have to stop caring about "where the boys/men are" and "what you're doing wrong." The very fact that you are concerned about these things is precisely what was wrong. I don't mean to sound demeaning, because I was in your shoes when I was 21, too. But, the fact is, you can't expect someone else to make you happy, or whole, or anything. You have to feel that way on your own. And then? Eventually, someone who sees that you are happy and secure will appreciate that plus any and all "strength of personality" that you happen to have. I know all too well how lonely one can feel when single, trust me, the secret is figuring out that you can be happy on your own. Everything else comes after that.

jackiek said...

i am loving this series! amazing... adding it to my post tonight of favorites from this week!

Kate Fitchett said...

This post made me laugh and oh the truth in it and I think it is simply great!

Evani Gatsby said...

The first two paragraphs totally speak to me Yvonna! Mid-20s are weird.

Z said...

snaps! I feel like this a LOT. I'm almost twenty and all of my friends in college are basically scrambling around like maniacs trying to nail down a guy or make sure the one they have will never leave! It doesn't make sense to me. I don't mind being single (though the fact that my long term ex from high school has had five girlfriends since me is a little frustrating), and I want to make sure that when/if I find a guy I like, he doesn't feel obligated to be all these certain things. My mother (oracle of all oracles) once said to make sure that your guy priorities can be summed up in under ten words. Mine: baseball, burgers, beer, pop punk, and he likes me. I even gave them an extra word. Not to rant, but I guess what I'm saying is that I'm open for any dude to wander in if he's a decent person and thinks I'm the bomb. But I mean...I probably can't waver on the baseball thing.

Taylor said...

I cannooooot express how much I relate to this! I am in an identity crisis being that I am in a weird almost but not nearly there adult stage. What am I??

Love love love your blog to bits. Following now!

Rachael said...

This post is totally calling my name.
Just yesterday I was hanging out with a group of people I didn't know, and one guy randomly said a mean comment to me, and I thought to myself, 'Does he really think that's okay'? Some guys really need to think how to treat us girls.
And I totally agree with you NOT dumbing yourself down for any guy, or doing anything that isn't the way you are.

The Sequin Cat said...

More Yvonna please! Bestest